Unto which the use of the takers is gone
The hoards of breathe, life and love so easily attained
Then freely handed to those that have not the ability to create
Clarity purposely not given from beginning to end
As everyone else would be the one’s loudly rewarded
For the sin of naivety of an innocent offering,
seeking only a daughter’s love to which,
Clarification to truth was that it was
never a consideration, and ‘unveiled’ only
in ‘The End’ ..
Q: But why do you continue to ‘Live In The Past?’
A: Because the people ‘In The Now’ have a never ending list of measurements that no matter how hard I try to ‘conform’ to their demands, I will Never be ‘enough’. The consequence is always yet another way to abandonment. It is ‘Labelled’ and encouraged under the name of ‘treatment plans’. Encouraged by ‘professionals’.. Micro managed by the personal OCD’s and mission of those connected by blood… Their microscope only zooms in on what you have done wrong. Never acknowledging anything you have done right. The justification being that it’s in the ‘process’ of conforming into what they ‘know’ as ‘right’ for you. Gentle, kind compassion saved for who serves their own purposes, and for cats, dogs, and/or any other family pet.
Q: What are the choices? What does Conforming mean?
A: Well, there’s religion where I could proclaim how evil I am, then spend the rest of my days serving the purpose of attempting to find forgiveness for my evil before I die, and depend on one type of God or another, then pray (and if possible GIVE further via a personal/financial contribution of one type or another) towards a never ending intangible solution. Or …I could return to an environment where I would ‘service’ someone else’s power and control, just because of their gender, and they hold a privilege of Not having a mental health label. AND in every circumstance find a reason why they do not have to take responsibility for contributing anything to an issue, but finding a way to find YOU responsible for the apology and another reason for YOU to change. (Besides they are quite “Nice” to everyone else but you). Validation of what you feel or have to say never an option because it would cut off the dependency of their control over your need for approval. (However have another list of justifications sponsored by one or another professional/university/Institution/Book/Theory etc.) Or there’s finding a Support Group where there are a variety of reasons why people come to gather. Some with the agenda of recruitment for a business venture, some because they themselves are seeking so much support that they are unable to offer any to you. Some have so many strict rules and regulations that it is really impossible to do anything but to ‘conform’ to their rules and regulations. Or I could start some business venture myself. Yes, I could PAY to learn something online, then have a financial cost to start up, then a financial cost to maintain. All of which end up just being MORE work and responsibility that ‘I’ end up adding to the work to be done in my existing one or two income earning positions. There’s usually (whatever field) those that will ‘steal’ any idea for themselves in the name of ‘professional’ competition. Or I could try to find another life companion. It’s a ‘fun’ idea to attempt to find someone who is ‘totally’ single. Not just single when the other one or two aren’t available. Not single because they are so obsessed with money that they can’t part with any besides yours. Not single because they still live with their mom and are looking for someone to replace her. Not single because they have had the family life, and want a travel companion that pays for both. Not single because the commitments of a relationship is just too hard to maintain. Not single because they prioritize one addiction or another over their partner. Not single because their particular shade of perfect keeps changing with every conforming exercise that is completed. The choices narrow with each decade that has passed in someone’s life. To be able to conform to what’s left ‘out there’ is a quest of finding a needle in a haystack. To remain ‘living in the past’ with the memories of someone who has left this world a better option, many times over.
The Ongoing Dance Steps of Forgiving Others For Their Deficiencies
There is a natural gift of grace that is given to individuals with any kind of disability. I have been both a participant and a contributor to the this field for many years. In each and every joint participation with another person, there is a wish for there to be a respectful response to ‘who’ you are as human being.
There are some who initially seem to extend an unconditional handshake, however as time and experiences are exchanged, the ‘tone’ and level of ‘care’ about ‘who’ you are depends on their own position of what the interaction is based on.
Recently, I was speaking with a young man in his 30’s who is living a full life with three artificial limbs. He was in the process of adjusting to his two new titanium legs, and I asked him what the hardest part of adjusting to them was. His response was not surprising as he shared that in summary of his experience, the biggest ‘adjustment’ that he had to endure was the ‘tone’ of the ‘professional’ people involved in the ‘process’ of the installation, and how the ‘dance’ of automatic forgiveness for the interaction of ‘pity’ that was obviously being displayed by the technicians involved.
This insensitive experience is just one of many he has endured throughout his life. His physical circumstances have never been a problem. We talked about the invisible emotional courtesies that are given to others, even when it is not extended to us. It is a dance of keeping integrity while allowing a biased common standard of others to exist. Much of the time, it is only within the understanding of those who have actually learned this ‘dance’ themselves, can the honour and beauty be heard in the exercise of ALL human interaction. The extended gift of grace is indeed, the unconditional ‘tone’ of forgiveness.
Heather Ann Jarman 2017
Thrifting
As I took my 18 year old and her friend to a couple of thrift stores then to a vintage shop, I suddenly realized that they both had actually learned the ‘art’ of a more diverse sense of self. As someone who has lived a lifestyle of having to ‘prioritize’ and/or ‘stretch’ what income available to provide for my family, it meant that the luxury of Brand names, and specialty super stores were just not an option at times. The experience of easier choices (according to what the season, colour and size available) was not a ‘regular’ thing to do.
My children have always been provided for, but their popularity was never based on having the latest, biggest or best of any ‘thing’ that they owned throughout their childhood, or their youth.
As I watched them pick up items according to the fabric, style, and colours of the items, laughing along the way as they imagined the various places that some of the people and places they could have been worn before, then blend in where they would be wearing them, I appreciated their depth, and diversity of thought.
My daughter has mentioned that there would be some kids that would ‘snub’ this possibility from their own lifestyle. I asked her how she felt about that? She voiced a concern for the environment, and has hope that one day, other people will see the benefits of recycling and repurposing . I like the richness in her thoughts, sometimes they can be priceless …
Heather Ann Jarman 2017
Many have seen the Aghori Tribe as a one to be feared. I have thought that (for one reason or another), almost every religion has found a reason to kill other humans. Perhaps the blatant honesty of what practices they are willing to share are what seems to have shock value to some. The images that have been shared on social media (perhaps) could also be viewed similar to the effects of what the ‘bare bones’ of various types of personal tragedy and/or trauma could ‘look’ like to those who have suffered through the emotional integrity of a human grief, then left to ‘cope’ with the most basic human functions of urination and deification.
There are some that could agree that the professional practices of some institutions would view emotional treatment plans as a similar technique as these participants in human enlightenment. “Breaking down” the human psyche is an established role, then the individual abandoned, and left with or without a means of survival. Either way, coping with what is left, comes down to the resources available. The practice of some spiritual and/or religious packages can be an appealing ideal, for the sake of gathering the courage to face the fears of existing through another day. The dependency could be based on the approval/support systems of any belief.
There are the invisible scars that are often left unsaid (with emotional distress) because if described, the fear of what others may or may not offer as ‘actual’ support is valid. It is proven, that the ‘act’ of cannibalism is not a way of life for the majority of the earth’s population, however the ‘act’ of judgement of another person’s dismay over an unfortunate life circumstance, could be viewed as a similar (safe) emotional experience. A common example is when a person is simply ‘used’ for a purpose of some sort of gain for another. A financial agenda is the most often source of the need to expose the vulnerabilities of another. Professional employment ladders another.
The details of today’s life experiences in most societies have (of course) been more refined, and there is hope in knowing that (although at times) to ‘sugar coated’, acknowledging that if ‘difference’ can be embraced, (rather than denied or discarded) the human potential of emotional growth beyond the origins of which the Aghori practice are possible. However, there are still existing theories that could prove that if the mental wellness practices are left at today’s standards, the possibility of ‘like’ sects of religion (especially with the ethics of social media) could grow at a rapid pace. It’s all a matter of perspective, and the actions that follow. What are your beliefs and practices?
Heather Ann Jarman 2017
As the clarity of ‘space’ grows away from what really matters and what doesn’t, there is priority given to preserving what really is left of what people have already ‘taken’ from you to promote themselves. To recognize the ways in which there can be an emotional invasion that will (with great ease) defile and desecrate any and all authenticity can be a hard reality to face. The gift in this awareness is knowing that this type of race is over. When you are content with who you actually are, there is no reason to have compare yourself to others. 
Some believe the more you give, the more you are given. “Grace” is something that is the little ‘extra’ thought that goes into the delivery of the gift, because it is within the eyes of those who receive what you are offering, that you are able to share the ‘feeling’ of compassion and joy. Sometimes it is those very moments of time, where another’s grace of receiving connects to your grace of giving. It is in the little things that we can grow the best memories.
Heather Ann Jarman 2016
Have you ever been driving somewhere and be thinking about something going on in your life that just doesn’t seem right, and then got lost? It is almost like it is the universe is trying provide a way to let you know that you need longer to rethink the situation. Or, have you ever been driving and revisiting (in you mind) something that did not end well, but then have to go to the bathroom really bad, and then the focus of your thoughts become all about finding a place that has access to a toilet. Whichever path it happens to be, the shortest route is to allow your truth to be your guide…
Heather Ann jarman
For the last four years, I have been living, and travelling around the roads of Guelph Ontario, Canada. Guelph was founded on St. George’s Day, April 23rd, 1827 with the ceremonial felling of a large maple tree. … Hence the current use of the term “The Royal City”. It is actually a quaint little city, surrounded by the lush landscapes of various farms in between lakes, rivers, forests and green spaces. It was in the downtown space of our little community that I met Larry Brown.
“I was just coming out of the medical building, and this lady asked me if she could take pictures of my car. Sure! I said. Then watched as took out her phone, and sat and laid on the ground.” He (and other’s) watched as I was thrilled to have the opportunity to embrace the curves, chrome and colour that “Louis” had to offer for one of my posts. I thanked him for his kindness, time and patience as he drove off.
“Louis” is 1964, Ford Galaxy, Four Door Hard Top, Fast Back.
Stop being so agreeable .. 